Today I have eaten hungrily. With relish. The food has not been fancy, but every bite has been a pleasure. Jam on buttery toast and coffee with milk, Cheerios with roast almonds and blueberries -- it's my first ever box of Cheerios because that's all they had and I sincerely think it won't be the last because they're delicious -- a black coffee with brown sugar, at least one but two or possibly even three oranges?, cheese and pickled beetroot on buttery toast, a handful of salty peanuts, a gala apple from the fridge, and now I'm wondering what to eat next.
But, the main news, the news the size of a plucked Thanksgiving turkey, is that I've completed my quest: I've torn out the heart of the Jasmine of Doom. It took fucking ages but -- and I'm not kidding -- it's one of the MOST SATISFYING THINGS I'VE DONE IN EVER(?).
You may recall the starting point:
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| The proud and largely peaceful Jasmine of Doom. Twenty feet high. |
But, I had been asked to remove it.
Little did I know in any way shape or form how big a job it would be. I have now finished.
Here's what happened today:
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| It even looks like a heart |
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| Here's how big it is |
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| For a moment, I thought there were TWO HEARTS. Nggggggh. |
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| If you look carefully, you'll see that the heart is overwhelming a piece of bamboo completely. This also helped it stay where the fuck it was, until I realised what was happening. |
Slowly, slowly, and with the world's tiniest trowel, I dug the heart away from the earth. I was very glad to discover that that thing they say about a plant's roots being about the same as it's canopy may not be true. Or, actually, upon reflection it might be, because the heart weighs a TON, and the vines have filled two of our green rubbish bags at least. Huh.
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| Here is the heart in the final throes of battle |
That root on the bottom right was the last thing standing between me and victory. I wiggled the whole heart rougly, for roughly... 20 minutes? I just felt it would be easier to loosen it to try to get the whole bastard out than cutting, trimming, cutting, digging. And finally? GOT IT.
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| GOT IT |
I then placed the heart in various still life arty insta poses around the garden. It is the cross between a baby, a mandrake, a turkey, and a heart. It is beautiful and heavy and had impressively wedged and grown itself in. I was sorry for a moment, but then
triumphant!
This is the favourite pose I found:
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| Casual, yet sassy |
It feels slightly aggressive to leave it on the footpath with a note.
I hereby donate the Jasmine of Doom to the Collective.
Here's the delicious black coffee I celebrated with:
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| Perfect |
I've spent the rest of the day whittling around my online shop. I've come up with a STUCK AT HOME SPECIAL, just like everyone else with online shops.
Here's what the garden is looking like now. Still not done, but getting there, and I sat out in it for a bit not working before and that was very pleasant. I think I might just plant some veg in the small bed instead of trying to please a camellia.
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| Slowly but surely |
