COVID-19 Journal: Day 42

Today I have eaten hungrily. With relish. The food has not been fancy, but every bite has been a pleasure. Jam on buttery toast and coffee with milk, Cheerios with roast almonds and blueberries -- it's my first ever box of Cheerios because that's all they had and I sincerely think it won't be the last because they're delicious -- a black coffee with brown sugar, at least one but two or possibly even three oranges?, cheese and pickled beetroot on buttery toast, a handful of salty peanuts, a gala apple from the fridge, and now I'm wondering what to eat next.

But, the main news, the news the size of a plucked Thanksgiving turkey, is that I've completed my quest: I've torn out the heart of the Jasmine of Doom. It took fucking ages but -- and I'm not kidding -- it's one of the MOST SATISFYING THINGS I'VE DONE IN EVER(?).

You may recall the starting point:

The proud and largely peaceful Jasmine of Doom. Twenty feet high.

But, I had been asked to remove it.

Little did I know in any way shape or form how big a job it would be. I have now finished.

Here's what happened today:

It even looks like a heart

Here's how big it is

For a moment, I thought there were TWO HEARTS. Nggggggh.

If you look carefully, you'll see that the heart is overwhelming a piece of bamboo completely. This also helped it stay where the fuck it was, until I realised what was happening.

Slowly, slowly, and with the world's tiniest trowel, I dug the heart away from the earth. I was very glad to discover that that thing they say about a plant's roots being about the same as it's canopy may not be true. Or, actually, upon reflection it might be, because the heart weighs a TON, and the vines have filled two of our green rubbish bags at least. Huh.

Here is the heart in the final throes of battle

That root on the bottom right was the last thing standing between me and victory. I wiggled the whole heart rougly, for roughly... 20 minutes? I just felt it would be easier to loosen it to try to get the whole bastard out than cutting, trimming, cutting, digging. And finally? GOT IT.


I then placed the heart in various still life arty insta poses around the garden. It is the cross between a baby, a mandrake, a turkey, and a heart. It is beautiful and heavy and had impressively wedged and grown itself in. I was sorry for a moment, but then triumphant!

This is the favourite pose I found:

Casual, yet sassy

It feels slightly aggressive to leave it on the footpath with a note. I hereby donate the Jasmine of Doom to the Collective.

Here's the delicious black coffee I celebrated with:


I've spent the rest of the day whittling around my online shop. I've come up with a STUCK AT HOME SPECIAL, just like everyone else with online shops.

Here's what the garden is looking like now. Still not done, but getting there, and I sat out in it for a bit not working before and that was very pleasant. I think I might just plant some veg in the small bed instead of trying to please a camellia.

Slowly but surely